Tuesday Top Ten!

(My apologies for there being no Crush of the Week yesterday.  I did write one, but blogspot basically ate the post, with no apologies.  Bastards.  Anyways, I might re-write it.  Maybe.  No promises.  I've got a big assignment due this week, so... bear with me?)

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know if I've told you this before, but, Miss Alanny is trying to live carbohydrate-free.  That is, I was, until the weekend before last, when I gave myself a cheat weekend in honor of the reunion, which then turned into an "I'm eating whatever I want while I get through this hangover" occasion, and has now become an "I'm too busy to go to the grocery store so I'm frequenting fast food dollar menus like a pothead" week and a half.  AAAAAAAAAnyways - I'm extending my death-row-style-food-fest through finals... which is this week.  I'm actually looking forward to going back to basics, because I get less headaches when I'm eating that way, and also because then I can say I've gone "Back to Basics" and have a very Christina Aguilera moment.  Even though that CD wasn't my favorite... that will ALWAYS be Stripped.

To the point... The Top Ten Things I Miss When I'm Livin' The Low-Carb Life

1.  Cereal.  After an occasional protein/vegetable ONLY cleanse, I eat Bran Flakes or whatever, but the cereal I'm talking about missing is not that shit.  Golden Grahams, Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and sweet mother of Cripix FTW!

2.  French Fries.  Do I need to explain this?  I will probably go to Five Guys about five more times before the end of this binge.

3.  Fried Chicken.  My roommate just brought home a bucket from KFC... extra crispy like a mother fucker.

4.  Cookies.  I don't really crave sweets anymore (and this is a big deal, because at one time I actually considered cinnamon rolls my absolute favorite food), but sometimes when I'm at Kroger and see all of those bakery fresh cookies on sale (or not), I just start sweating.  I used to favor oatmeal raisin and snickerdoodles, but now I mainly crave chocolate chip or peanut butter cookies... I think it's because they are sweet, but still a little salty... much like-

5.  Nestle Pretzel Flips.  Or any chocolate covered pretzels, really.  Some couples have a song, but my BFF Bethie Jean and I have a snack... and it's Nestle Pretzel Flips.  And it's probably due to working at The Pharm Deep Discount Drugstore for so long.  On what else were we going to spend those sweet Pharm paychecks?  Not on regular pretzels, that's for sure.  Pretzels are so wack.

6.  Pasta.  Mainly mac and cheese, particularly from the place on the corner of my street (Fatty Patty's), but MOST specifically: 3-ways from Skyline.  There is a Skyline right beside my office and also one right beside my house.  It's the pits, twits.  If I've been really good, I'm allowed to have the actual chili... but no crackers and NO noodles!  Have you ever had Skyline Dip?  This brings me to another point-

7.  Nachos.  I'm not big on potato chips, but I'm a fan of Doritos, fo sho.  I'm also obsessed with Skyline Dip, and you can't eat it without chips.  Technically, you can, of course, but it's not soup, okay?  Don't be gross.  Well, if you ARE going to just eat it... like with a spoon... you probably shouldn't tell anyone.  That would be like eating cheese ball without putting it on anything.  Hey, you know how I make the world's best cheese balls?  I can still eat it!  Cucumbers become crackers, my friends... simple as that.  Hey, how do you think Skyline Dip would taste with celery?

8.  Speaking of all this cheese... CHEESECAKE.  I think a few too many trips to the Cheesecake Factory contributed to the need for this mess, but... what can I say?  I miss you, sweet Factory... with your minty iced green tea, and your buffalo blasts, and your fried mac-and-cheese balls and your Adam's Rib (or whatever it's called) cheesecake.. and your other kinds of cheesecake...

9.  Soft pretzels.  Again - sort of pretzels, but not.  Pretzels suck.  Soft pretzels are amazing.  I think these could possibly go under the "Bread" category, but I think they need to stand alone for me.  My roommate and I went to Hollywood Casino with some friends last month (dammit, I cheated then, too!  I'm apparently not very strong willed this summer...) and there is some new restaurant there that has a massive menu (a la that devil Factory I was talking about earlier), and they had these pretzel bread sticks that I ordered because I always order them at Max and Erma's (which is because they are the only thing edible there), and I enjoy soft pretzels and beer cheese in general, and so anyways... no bull, I haven't stopped thinking about them since.

10.  Bread.  Although I've made a separate designation for the soft pretzels, the bread umbrella definitely covers anything that is basically your standard white bread:  bagels and breadsticks and french toast, and sandwich bread and whatever else I have to stare at pictures of myself up to three times a day to convince myself I don't need, crave or desire uncontrollably.  Funny thing: the craving for sugar goes away fairly easily, but the craving for bread never, EVER does.  But, bread is sugar.  So, why can't I stop grieving for it?  Oh, that reminds me - also off limits is cornbread.  If you knew how I grew up, you would understand why I miss this.  Not to mention that cornbread is what covers corndogs and it is SUMMER, people.  Corndogs are in season... And I LOVE corndogs, okay?!?


..... I'm not even back on the wagon and I'm already screaming at you.  I'm sorry.