Monday, August 23, 2010

Crush of the Week! Special Bex_n_Fx Edition

when alanna asked me to do c.o.t.w. i had one thought: outstanding. you see, while she and i have spent most of our time together in agreement on who’s hot and who’s not, we have on occasion differed in opinion. for example, her refusal to embrace rpattz-mania boggles my mind. and, i for one never understood her lust for elijah wood.*  thus, i’m really excited to use her platform to promote my agenda. i decided since i don’t usually write her blog (or so you, faithful reader, assume**), that i would forgo the c.o.t.w and do a c.o.t.s, aka CRUSH OF THE SUMMER. and that crush, friends of my friend, is none other than.....
NICK SWARDSON!!!!!!!


congratulations to you, nick swardson. you have beaten pretty much every odd and captured my heart this summer. challenges you have overcome to win my love include:

1.    not being a baseball player, as my crush of the summer is almost always a baseball player. i mean, they call them the boys of summer for a reason, am i right?

2.    this picture.

fyi, nick swardson - bandanas are never ok, kid. never.

3.    this picture.

however, as someone who is terminally unphotogenic, i know that we all have our bad pictures.... so this doesn’t count.

4.    the fact that i’ve never watched much reno 911, so my main source of nick, until recently was grandma’s boy..... which makes me think of this:

i know it’s a movie, but c’mon! also, i can’t think of many people that are as non-sexual as his character in that movie. he’s basically a child! albeit, a child with a fucking sweet bed.......

5. the fact that he seems a little prone to douchebaggery (see #2 above). he also has a fondness for jewelry that i don’t understand. (i never understand jewelry on a man (which i’m sure goes back to joe mac circa ’90. i mean, eww...). furthermore, i’ve seen way too many pictures of him with the hilton sisters to take him very seriously as a person of non-douchebag standards.

one of the things i like the most  about nick swardson is his height. i’m a hobbit, he’s a hobbit. it works. he also proves that what a girl really wants is a guy with who makes her laugh. while he may not be "6 feet tall" and "in shape" or have a "sexy accent" like my previous crush (francisco cervelli - google him, and, you’re welcome.), i would say about 33% of the funny things i say, i ripped off from him. what actually made me see him not just as jeff from grandma’s boy was his comedy central special "seriously, who farted". i didn’t stop laughing once throughout, and i literally almost peed my pants. more than once. any guy who can make "wolf pussy" the punch-line of a joke deserves a second look.***  also, i found out after imdb-stalking him that he was in my all-time favorite movie (almost famous) and i never realized... plus, his funnyordie.com videos are fantastic. i have yet to stop saying "palatial regalia", and the i.f.h. mondays pretty accurately reflects my life as a server.  so there you have it. nick swardson, you’re my crush of the summer!  lucky you<3

thanks for your time, faithful readers. i hope you enjoyed my blog as much as i enjoyed writing it.****

love and kisses,
bex

ps- i have finally checked out some terry bernadino clips, and they’re hilarious. as i would expect....*****



Administrator's Notes
* Seriously?  Why is a crush I had when I was like ten years old all anyone seems to remember from my YEARS... and I mean, way too many years... well into adulthood... of obsessive celebrity crushing?!?  Look, people - I really liked that creepy ass movie The Good Son and I thought he had pretty eyes... obviously, at that time I had no idea he wouldn't ever be any taller than he is in that movie. 
** I think the all-lower-case eloquence of your post here will help us keep the jig up.  No one will catch on that we are one in the same. Good cover, Bex.
*** Agreed.
**** I did!  Thank you for writing it!
***** I TOLD your ass a million years ago that show was GOLD.



 

1 comment:

  1. no one stops talking about your epic elijah wood crush because it was psychotic! you were always talking about how his eyes were leaking and it made you as hot as a 12 year old girl can get.... furthermore, we all tried to tell you. or, at least i did... that crush was palatial. you were all over his regalia... fuckin' elijah wood. he's an assult on the good name of hobbits.

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