Crush of the Week!

I sit here watching the E! Fashion Police with crazy ass Joan Rivers (but no Melissa this year, thank you E!), and they are discussing what everyone wore to the Emmy's last night.  Personally, I can't help but think about the people you never see on the Red Carpet.  You know... the fatties.  But fat people are only featured on the 11 o'clock news, and there is no Emmy category for best home interview on local coverage, so why would any of them be invited, you ask?  Well, I have some news for you...

There is a show on television that features obese actors, almost exclusively.  The type of cast that this show has is basically the opposite type of cast that every other show has.  (Ok, there are more thin actors on this show than there are fat tubs on Lost, but this is still easily the most fat people ever featured in a non-fiction television show.)  It is called Huge.

The following things about it are important for you to know:

• It's on Monday nights at 9pm, on the ABC Family Channel
• It stars Nikki Blonsky, aka Tracy Turnblad from one of my all time favorite movie musicals, Hairspray.  She is a really sour little troll on this show, btw.  And she wears cargo shorts all the time.  

And she was so cute back when she could hear the bells!

• It takes place at a fat camp, which is called Camp Victory, which is not as great of a name as Camp Anawana or Camp Cucamonga, but is at least as good as Camp Hope.
• Even though the cast is primarily fat teenagers, there are a handful of fit adults who play the counselors and such... and like my beloved Tony Perkis from Heavyweights, the fitness freaks are sort of d-bags.

And most importantly...

• One of the counselors, George, is hot like Mexico, and his real life name is Zander Eckhouse, and he is my Crush of the Week!!!  Oh, and he looks like this:    

So, this show Huge... it's no Glee, by a long shot, but it's helped me get through the Glee-free summer, and for that, I salute its shorts.  You probably don't know this about me, but I have some sort of strange fascination with movies and shows that take place at summer camps.  Name a camp movie, and I've either seen it or never heard of it.  Anyways, the following points about Mr. Zander Eckhouse are of note:

• His father is James Eckhouse, aka Jim Walsh, father of Brandon and Brenda Walsh, on 90210 proper. Not so oddly, I always found Jim Walsh to be sort of a foxy tv dad.  
• He looks uncannily like a guy I used to know.  *sigh* 
• On the show, George and camper Amber, who is played by David Hasselhoff's daughter (and from what I understand, the one who filmed his drunk ass eating a cheeseburger off the floor), have spent some time together in the woods, getting sort of busy.  I say sort of, because Amber won't let George under her summer camp casuals, and that's because she doesn't like him to touch her stomach.  She has serious self esteem issues, y'all... she even paid for her own fat camp tuition because she hates her bod so much. :(  But, whatever, what you need to know is that I really appreciate the chubby blonde girl and the hot as hades camp counselor getting it on in secret storyline, okay?  

George and Amber, before dark.

So, basically, this hot summer camp romance has got me lookin' so crazy right now!  I went to camp once, you know... nothing that happened there was nearly as awesome as the stuff that happens at fictional camps.  Of course, I went to church camp, not fat camp, which, from what Hollywood leads me to believe, has a lot less chiggers and a lot more boy-girl interaction.  The only sexy fun time I remember from camp was when a spider crawled down my shirt when we were forced to sleep outdoors like boy scouts.  We were girls, Camp Scioto Hills... we were girls!  Also - that wasn't sexy, it was disgusting.  Just not quite as disgusting as what that dirty Bex did with our counselor out into the depths of the very woods in which we were trying to sleep. 

Now that you're all caught up, I have bad news:  the season finale of Huge was tonight, and I don't know when it will come back.   In good news, however, Glee is coming back on September 21st, and that means Finn will be back in my life, and I probably will forget all about Zander Eckerface.  In late breaking news, Joan and fellow Fashion Policemen just named Lea Michelle the best dressed from last night's Emmy Awards!  Did you see?  She looked quite un-Rachel Berry last night.

Rachel Berry Barbie

In sad news, Glee didn't win too many awards at the Emmys, but Jane Lynch aka Sue Sylvestor won for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy and Ryan Murphy won for Best Directing, Comedy.  Not bad!

In salacious news, that dude I used to know was almost just as sickly hot as this dude, and he was also into getting sort of busy in the woods... or woodsy areas, at least.  There was a creek, I think.  Anyways - watching this show makes me really, REALLY miss that little bastardly bastardass bastardface.  But, thanks for the memories, bastardo... I win?

 I see you brought some rope...

Put on your camo, Zander Eckhouse!  You're my Crush of the Week for the week of August 30, 2010!