Tuesday Top Ten!

I think we all enjoyed my vacation last week; only one guest blogger bailed, and I think those who pulled through did a pretty great job - even the hateful bitch who came up with ten reasons to hate on me.  Hateful.  Anywho - sorry there was no guest spot for Ask Miss Alanny last Thursday, but hey - I'll try to make it up to you this week with an extra insightful post of my own.  In the meantime, though, we need to get to this week's top ten.

Top Ten Awesome and Not Quite Awesome Things I Did While on My missalannyus.com Mini-Break:

1.  Awesome Thing:  Spent all day at the pool, getting only slightly sunburned, reading about Lady Gaga in Vanity Fair, smoking my fancy smokes cause I can buy them cheap in KY, and then drinking delicious slurpie-style cocktails and eating massive amounts of shrimp and biscuits at the Red Lob.  Glory.

2.  Not Quite Awesome Thing:  Car accident.  My fault.  Dammit.

3.  Awesome Thing:  Watched a bunch of movies on the couch with Hamlet.  We both really like John Hughes Sundays.

4.  Not Quite Awesome Thing:  Didn't get to go to the Allen County Fair, as was planned.  It was intended to be my last blast in food heaven before going Back to Basics (September 1st.), but the stupid sonofabitch that decided to drive down my street right as I was pulling out of my spot without looking completely soiled my Limaland plans.  I would put a list here of things I miss out on eating at the ACF, but I don't want to end up crying myself to sleep... again.

5.  Awesome Thing:  50% OFF ALL SCRAPBOOKING SUPPLIES AT HOBBY LOBBY.  And on the very same day I enjoyed that sale, I enjoyed my first visit to The Original Pancake House.  This may sound like the fantasy day of the President of the Red Hat Society, but I have no shame about my excitement, particularly because I got to eat this:

6.  Not Quite Awesome Thing:  Got into a fight with customer service at Ulta.com.  I don't regret my fury, because that website is faulty and full of misrepresentation, but I do regret unleashing it on the customer service representatives I spoke to.  It probably put more shit bricks in my bad karma wall.  

7.  Awesome Thing:  Got new car insurance BEFORE the accident.  Score!  I had to get a new policy (to begin when my previous policy ended) due to moving to Kentucky, and any good karma points I had somehow earned were probably spent when God's grace guided me to abandon my natural instincts and not wait until the exact last minute to set this up... because if I did, then this stupid fender bender I was just in would have marred my perfect driving record, which, when checked by my new GEICO agent, was just so fresh, so clean. 

8.  Not Quite Awesome Thing:  Spent hours and hours and hours on website improvement related things, and still feel not sure of what I need to do.  Guest blog week made me even more sure that I need to leave this server, but it's not going to be easy.  Seriously, it took me longer to post the blogs other people wrote than it takes me to write my own, mainly due to blogspot's refusal to accept the pasting of things that have been copied.  And then, when I do manage to transfer the verbiage, I can't insert photos within the text.  I just need a better system, and I'm not computer geeky enough to figure it out in the amount of time I've had to spend trying, I guess.  (So, for all of you who were wondering how I was losing blogs, THIS is why I don't write in Word and then paste into blogspot.  It would be like writing it twice.... three times if the damn thing requires photos.  The server of this website that you are viewing, which is www.blogspot.com, is garbage.  Word up.)

9.  Awesome Thing:  Watched a bunch of old episodes of The Office on TBS and remembered how I fell in love with Andy Bernard.  "Saboteur! Saboteur! I'm gonna kill you for real!"  Also - I remembered that I didn't always hate Pam.  In fact, I used to like Pam a lot.  But now Pam is smug and I hate her.  It's too bad, really... but I still love Andy Bernard.  4-Ever. (Unless he gets married to Erin and then they become smug and annoying distractions from the funny parts of the show.)

10.  Not Quite Awesome Thing:  Started working part-time at the place I quit two months ago.  That's right - I've failed at quitting my job.  I put in too much notice... I just couldn't keep emphasizing how much I didn't want to work there by saying "no" to staying around, and then looking at them all day for week after week until my insane 60 day notice was over.  So, anyways, I was convinced to work a part time position until the end of the year.  My last day as a full-time employee was last Wednesday, I had Thursday off, and I started my part-time position last Friday.  And, Friday morning, leaving to work as a receptionist at the place at which I had cleaned out my office just two days prior, I put the front end of my car into the ass end of one passing me on the right, and now... I probably need my old job back so I can come up with my deductible.  In related news, this is my 48th blog post, and I've officially banked $10.69 from ad clicks on this website... not quite awesome.

See you Thursday, for a quite awesome Ask Miss Alanny. 

Crush of the Week!

I sit here watching the E! Fashion Police with crazy ass Joan Rivers (but no Melissa this year, thank you E!), and they are discussing what everyone wore to the Emmy's last night.  Personally, I can't help but think about the people you never see on the Red Carpet.  You know... the fatties.  But fat people are only featured on the 11 o'clock news, and there is no Emmy category for best home interview on local coverage, so why would any of them be invited, you ask?  Well, I have some news for you...

There is a show on television that features obese actors, almost exclusively.  The type of cast that this show has is basically the opposite type of cast that every other show has.  (Ok, there are more thin actors on this show than there are fat tubs on Lost, but this is still easily the most fat people ever featured in a non-fiction television show.)  It is called Huge.

The following things about it are important for you to know:

• It's on Monday nights at 9pm, on the ABC Family Channel
• It stars Nikki Blonsky, aka Tracy Turnblad from one of my all time favorite movie musicals, Hairspray.  She is a really sour little troll on this show, btw.  And she wears cargo shorts all the time.  

And she was so cute back when she could hear the bells!

• It takes place at a fat camp, which is called Camp Victory, which is not as great of a name as Camp Anawana or Camp Cucamonga, but is at least as good as Camp Hope.
• Even though the cast is primarily fat teenagers, there are a handful of fit adults who play the counselors and such... and like my beloved Tony Perkis from Heavyweights, the fitness freaks are sort of d-bags.

And most importantly...

• One of the counselors, George, is hot like Mexico, and his real life name is Zander Eckhouse, and he is my Crush of the Week!!!  Oh, and he looks like this:    

So, this show Huge... it's no Glee, by a long shot, but it's helped me get through the Glee-free summer, and for that, I salute its shorts.  You probably don't know this about me, but I have some sort of strange fascination with movies and shows that take place at summer camps.  Name a camp movie, and I've either seen it or never heard of it.  Anyways, the following points about Mr. Zander Eckhouse are of note:

• His father is James Eckhouse, aka Jim Walsh, father of Brandon and Brenda Walsh, on 90210 proper. Not so oddly, I always found Jim Walsh to be sort of a foxy tv dad.  
• He looks uncannily like a guy I used to know.  *sigh* 
• On the show, George and camper Amber, who is played by David Hasselhoff's daughter (and from what I understand, the one who filmed his drunk ass eating a cheeseburger off the floor), have spent some time together in the woods, getting sort of busy.  I say sort of, because Amber won't let George under her summer camp casuals, and that's because she doesn't like him to touch her stomach.  She has serious self esteem issues, y'all... she even paid for her own fat camp tuition because she hates her bod so much. :(  But, whatever, what you need to know is that I really appreciate the chubby blonde girl and the hot as hades camp counselor getting it on in secret storyline, okay?  

George and Amber, before dark.

So, basically, this hot summer camp romance has got me lookin' so crazy right now!  I went to camp once, you know... nothing that happened there was nearly as awesome as the stuff that happens at fictional camps.  Of course, I went to church camp, not fat camp, which, from what Hollywood leads me to believe, has a lot less chiggers and a lot more boy-girl interaction.  The only sexy fun time I remember from camp was when a spider crawled down my shirt when we were forced to sleep outdoors like boy scouts.  We were girls, Camp Scioto Hills... we were girls!  Also - that wasn't sexy, it was disgusting.  Just not quite as disgusting as what that dirty Bex did with our counselor out into the depths of the very woods in which we were trying to sleep. 

Now that you're all caught up, I have bad news:  the season finale of Huge was tonight, and I don't know when it will come back.   In good news, however, Glee is coming back on September 21st, and that means Finn will be back in my life, and I probably will forget all about Zander Eckerface.  In late breaking news, Joan and fellow Fashion Policemen just named Lea Michelle the best dressed from last night's Emmy Awards!  Did you see?  She looked quite un-Rachel Berry last night.

Rachel Berry Barbie

In sad news, Glee didn't win too many awards at the Emmys, but Jane Lynch aka Sue Sylvestor won for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy and Ryan Murphy won for Best Directing, Comedy.  Not bad!

In salacious news, that dude I used to know was almost just as sickly hot as this dude, and he was also into getting sort of busy in the woods... or woodsy areas, at least.  There was a creek, I think.  Anyways - watching this show makes me really, REALLY miss that little bastardly bastardass bastardface.  But, thanks for the memories, bastardo... I win?

 I see you brought some rope...

Put on your camo, Zander Eckhouse!  You're my Crush of the Week for the week of August 30, 2010!

Fist Pump Friday! Reality TV Roundup: Special SASsafras Edition

So when Miss Alanny agreed to let me write Fist Pump Friday, I don’t think she knew what she was getting herself into. I may be the only person to watch MORE tragic programming than said blog owner. I kept myself busy this week...

Keeping Up with the Kardashians
America's favorite Armenian Whorehouse is opened again for business! In true Kardashian fashion, Kim declares that she has broken up with Reggie AGAIN, and Kourtney is still "working on things" with that loser of a baby daddy, Scott. Since the gals are more mature now, their new weapon of choice is words and accusing each other of having "negative energy" and of being unfit to be around, instead of good old fashioned name calling and hair pulling. Pimp Momma Kris (pimping out Kardashians since 1979, according to her business card) is still selling her children for money, but seems to be losing ground to Khloe, since Rob and Kourtney are now livin' la Vida Odom. Kim also tries to get away from Kris the Pimp when she buys her own house, but Kris invites over a bunch of people and they trash Kim's new pad. Sorry Kim, that's what you get from moving out of Momma's! Pay Up!

It’s ok though cuz Kris taught Kim a thing or two about pimping out your friends. Kim is executive producing...

The Spin Crowd
It's a show about a PR Firm run by her friend Jonathan. I gave it a spin. It's kind of a Kell on Earth-Lite, with less anger and more bitchiness. Jonathan calls his spritely protégé' homely and forces her to get lip injections. She is not enough of a Muppet mouth for his liking. I was under the impression that this behavior was outlawed in the 60's after all of the over-the-shoulder-boulder holder-burnings, but apparently the women’s lib movement didn’t stick in the P.R. world. Anyway, it is abundantly clear that homely in Ohio is much different than homely in Los Angeles. I would GLADLY be called homely if it meant that I rocked beautiful long flowing hair and wore a size 2. Not that Jonathan has much room to talk. He is the spitting image of a cabbage patch kid, and is, according to his business partner, the face of skinny fat. Jonathan goes to a fat melting appointment where the fat is allegedly frozen then vacuumed, trés interessant, but it just looked painful and rash inducing.

And speaking of things that itch, I caught...

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Finale
Although I was excited to see Caroline put crazy eyed-Danielle in her place, this finale was NOTHING compared to the table-flipping, prostitution-whore name-calling of last season. Danielle STILL claims that she is a victim, as much as the neighborhood broom-riding, cauldron-stirring beyotch CAN be I guess, and declares that she "doesn't think how crazy thinks." In order to stay grounded she consults her energist before rounding up her goons and ex-cons (with guns) to meet little 5-foot-nothing Caroline in a well lit public restaurant. Danielle is clearly a wack job. She will, in fact cut-a-bitch, or at the very least, pistol whip them. THE SHOWDOWN is all Huff and No Puff when they finally meet because Danielle falls victim to amnesia and can't remember any of her evil plotting. I was hoping for another good Jersey chase scene, but Caroline is too composed for that. She settles for calling Danielle a clown and a piece of garbage and Danielle runs away.

Pretty boring for a finale but the reunion promises some...

Flipping Out
I loves me some Jeff Lewis. This week Jeff decided to save a buck or two by collecting human pee from his employees to line the perimeter of his property to ward off coyotes, since mountain lion pee is just too pricey these days. Now most people that I know of in search of human pee are only looking for a clean sample to trick their parole officer, but since Jeff is neither a paroleé nor applying to work for one of the red states, his minions hand over the goods willingly. Old Wile E. is immune to the human pee trick though and sneaks onto the property, Acme truck and all. Jeff picks up a new client, Barb, a very special lady who may, on occasion, pee herself. She’s one of those ladies who should PROBABLY be under lock and key, but since it's California, she is allowed to roam free. Loco Barb is about 70 years old has hired Jeff to help her re-vamp her awful kitchen in the newest wood fashions. Barb really likes wood. She can't get enough wood. Lots of wood. Dark wood. Hard dark wood. She has no interest in any of that white wood crap that is so popular today. And she flaunts this in front of her poor husband. Shame on you Barb.

When it comes to no shame, there’s my favorite hour long advertisement...

Top Chef
Toyotas and Whole Foods and Calphalon, OH MY! Bravo refuses to accept my "no commercial" policy that I adopted when I brought home Steevo-the-tivo and has turned Top Chef into a one hour product pusher. Even though Dial Nutriskin has absolutely NOTHING to do with cooking, those Mad Men at Bravo have managed to incorporate body soap into a foodie show like it’s a cauliflower foam. Touché' Bravo. The texture is nice but the taste is a little too salty for my liking. Tommy C. is looking mighty fine in a lumberjack-chic plaid flannel get up. And the baseball players aren't too bad looking either. They sensually feed each other from skewers in a homo-eroticism that is typically reserved for behind the locker room doors. H-O-T-T, HOT! Annoying Amanda finally got canned. She seems like one of those girls who would blow your boyfriend just for kicks and think nothing of it. I'm glad she's gone. She needed to be drop kicked into the Potomac.

Project Runway
The misfits of the Chantilly lace team managed to pull through a Military inspired victory even though Casanova should have been flogged for sporting a man cleavage-meets-Aladdin-meets-Hans Christian Anderson look. Old Casy had a dramatic diva moment and cried on the couches, but he popped a Prozac and pulled out the win. Self-important Gretchen led Luxe, better known as Sux, in the menswear-meets-camel-toe inspired line. The leftovers from some grandmother's 1976 closet left Sux the losers, and though Gretchen summoned César Chávez and cried "Union!", Kors saw right through it and called her on her bullshit. In the end, Tim Gunn verbally bitch slapped the Sux team for, well, sucking, in jaw dropping eloquence that can only be delivered by Tim Gunn. Oh and A.J. got auf'd.

Jersey Shore
Now I have to admit that I have never watched a full episode of this classic T.V. Masterpiece, but since the fist bump friday is centered around the show, it seemed wrong to miss out. JWOWW played with her own jugs for a while and Snooki tried to explain the logistics of gay to her B.F. Oh wait make that ex B.F. Poor Snooks. But everyone is sympathetic, especially since that is the word of the day, and a big one at that. Snooki burns the pics of the ex and manages not to catch her hair on fire, which is, in my opinion, a big win for her. The boys, who I cannot tell apart, hook up with some questionable ladies, then GTL. I am still a little unclear on why laundry is a conversation piece. It’s what I claim to be doing when I want to get out of something. True story. So the boys, who I STILL cannot tell apart, make dinner and yell at Angelina for being a messy sloppy pig. Snooks and JWOWW plant a note, printed, from a real computer, in Sammi’s drawer. Sammi finds that mystery note from "anonymous" and learns of Ronnie’s indiscretions. Chaos ensues and Sammi and Ronnie break up. Five seconds later, Ronnie has unearthed his phonebook and is calling another chick. Keepin’ it classy Miami!

I am a little pissed at MTV for depriving me of Teen Mom this week, but there’s always next week!

Administrator's Notes:
First of all, this is very witty and quite well written, and I really want to thank SASsafras for taking her time to complete it.  She sent it to me at like, 3:30am, and staying up that late to work on something just for the glory of entertaining my readers is serious dedication to funniness... hats off to SAS.  And, bravo!  Speaking of Bravo...
I also loves me some Jeff Lewis!   And Jenny!  I have no interest in California Real Estate/House Flipping, but I find these people fairly awesome.  You are dead on about Top Chef being insane with the product placement... it's almost like one of those fake commercials on SNL.  I'm not with you in your lust for Tom (yikes), BUT - Amanda is one of the most toxic things I've ever seen on reality tv.  She would not only blow your boyfriend, but she get really defensive if you tried to fault her for it... it fell into her mouth, okay?!  As far as Housewives: New Jersey, I think Danielle is a cartoon... well, they all sort of are, but Caroline and Teresa are caricatures of fabulous mafia wives, and Danielle is just some 50 year old idiot who thinks she's not as ugly or trashy as she is.  She clearly thinks her character is a "cougar" and a "hardass bitch" and whatever, but she's apparently not in on her storyline, because homely girl is as pathetic as those nasty hobags on Bad Girls Club and Rock of Love and all that crap.  I actually wouldn't be surprised if her old ass applied to be on Brett Michael's Love Bus, or whatever. You know who I hate more than both Danielle and Amanda from Top Chef, though?

GRETCHEN.  She gets extra hate from me for the following reasons: 1) making my favorite reality show almost unwatchable, 2) insane self-importance + her own hair being a mullet.  She is my least favorite PR contestant of all times, surpassing Jeffrey and even that weird old dude that kept saying that making clothes "gets him off" and that the horrible crap he made on the show "turned him on."  Thank goodness for Cassanova.... I love him almost enough to make up for her presence... Aladdin clothes and all!  Oh, and Tim Gunn, of course.  Him calling Gretchen a bully made my heart swell... and then she burst my love cloud with more fake crying.  Boooooooo, Gretchen.  Please don't win.

I have only one more thing to say:  I am addicted to the Kardashians and I've been keeping it on the DL.  :(  More about this dirty secret of mine to come, some other day.... maybe.

Anyways - thanks again for the super guest blogging, SASsafras!

Miss Alanny proper will be back on Monday with a Crush of the Week from my favorite show of the summer, HUGE on ABC Family!  Is anyone watching this?  It's about fat camp!

P.S. - The GTL boys are into laundry because it takes serious skill to keep your Ed Hardy t-shirts looking fresh and not faded.  And these dudes need a poppin' T for the club, B ;)

Tuesday Top Ten!: Special Abbis Cadabbis Edition

As most of you reading this blog already know, Miss Alanny, as she likes to call herself these days, does not have the most gentle personality. (And I say that most of you already know this because it appears she’s failed to pull in any readers outside of her high school facebook friends) Therefore, for my guest top ten list I thought there would be no more appropriate time to let her know how I feel about her abrasive ways. Plus, un-like the owner of this blog spot...I like to give her readers what they want, and I know that all of you would like to get a few issues you have with Miss Alanny off your chest as much as I would. So...feel free to post comments of agreement.

1.  "Your mom" jokes. Miss Alanny still uses these jokes generously. One minute we’re having a, what I would call, adult discussion in which I make a valid point or argument, and the next thing I know I’m responded to with a "your mom" joke. This goes on despite how many times I tell her that I don’t care if she is humping my mom. The worst part is that she is utterly entertained by her "your mom" jokes and I’m sure she thinks that the world would be entertained by them as well if she could just reach the masses.

2.  She’s so smart. So, 99% of my communication with Miss Alanna is done via email, and there is nothing that Miss Alanny loves more than to point out my misuse of the trio there, their, they’re. I’m no dummy. I know when each is used, however they DO all SOUND the same and if I’m typing a quick email to a friend...who gives a hoot. However, I’m more than willing to admit when my English is not correct, and I will not hold it against some who points it out... if that someone is a serious stickler of the English language. When I get on this same persons blog site though and see them typing phrases like "Fo sho, Holla!" it makes me think that that person does not REALLY care about the English language. That person is just an ass.
 
3. What is with her and Hamlet? OK this is a serious question. Can anyone answer this for me because I just don’t get it. This chick is annoyed by basically every person on the planet. But a pug that pisses on her clothes, bed, floor, etc , AND her friends’ clothes, beds, floors, etc. she can’t find a flaw with. This was her reaction to Hamlet pissing all over the place when they moved into her new apartment... "I think he’s going through some emotional turmoil, so I can’t be upset with him".  I gaurantee though that if I went through some traumatic episode and went to Miss Alanny for someone to talk to and pissed on her floor while I was there she would not be so understanding. Also, she thinks everyone is as infatuated with Hamlet as herself. The last time she was at my house I’m pretty sure that almost the entire length of her visit was spent talking about expressing Hamlet’s anal glands, whatever that means.

4. Being Miss Alanny’s friend takes work. I was not kidding when I mentioned that Miss Alanny is annoyed by nearly every person on the planet. Be prepared to learn how to be as unannoying as possible if you want to maintain your friendship. This may involve doing some research so set some time aside. I would suggest one or two etiquette books, maybe a class, "Friendship for Dummies"  perhaps. Don’t worry though, in my experience she does forgive an occasional (what she would consider) lack of basic consideration. However, her forgiveness does not come easy. She will let you know that you have done something that you need to be forgiven for. Be prepared.

5. Everything is an event with Miss Alanny. Has anyone else noticed this? Halloween in not just a night out at a bar. It’s months of costume prep and planning. Her 28th birthday is not just a casual get together. (28th is not a milestone by the way) It’s a night out of town in a hotel, with goodie bags, decorations, dinner, and dancing. Going out on a weekend requires a formal invitation sent a month in advance. I really want to tell her to relax already, but I’m afraid. (refer to #4)

6. I should have put this after #4, but who cares. OK, just because you are trying your best not to violate any of the friendship policies that you’ve done your due diligence to learn, do NOT expect Miss Alanny to refrain from telling you that you dress like a destitute lesbian gym teacher. Dressing like a lesbian gym teacher is just my lot in life. Maybe you’re lot is being a shy gay person, maybe you’re a loud mouthed missionary, maybe you’re just a republican, the point is she will make fun of you for it. The difference in her mind though, or the reason she’s not a total B for doing it is because she’s funny, and people should understand her sense of humor.

7. She needs to get off my kid. I know Miss Alanny has other readers with small children. Are any of them below the age of two and still in diapers? If so, does she give you and them a hard time about them pooping their pants, or does she just have unusually high standards for my kid. I mean, if the latter is the case, and it’s just my daughter, I’ll take it off the list. If that’s the case it is somewhat understanding to expect great things from kids who come from great parents. If she’s doing this to all our children though it’s just not right. Miss Alanny, stop harassing infants and toddlers and thier parents to make yourself feel better about being unsuccessful at housebreaking your precious pug.

8. When talking to Miss Alanny about my top ten list she suggested I use how she "doesn’t manage money well at all" as a topic on my list. To me that is a very big understatement. In her defense she doesn’t seem to have very good luck, which coupled with her poor money management skills, obviously doesn’t help. Regardless, Miss Alanny is the kind of person who will have $7 left to her name and spend $6.50 of it on a raincoat for her dog.

9.  Within the last year Miss Alanny has turned into one of those stupid whiny girls pining over some dumbass loser who doesn’t deserve for anyone to even think twice about them to begin with.  I don’t even mind listening to all the details of someone’s doomed relationship, but it’s super annoying giving someone advice when you know that they’re just going to do what they want to do anyway.  In the case of a failing relationship its obviously never the smart thing that that someone wants to do.  Miss Alanny,  you convinced us all for a long time that you were smarter than this.  You lied.  You are not.

10.  Miss Alanny is a slob.  I don’t feel any reservations saying this, nor do I feel bad since it is a self proclaimed problem on her part.  I don’t really have much more to say on this one.  Miss Alanny, you are a slob.  Boom roasted.


THANKS FOR WRITING, ABBIS.  I'm typing in all caps because someone told me once to do that when I'm being sarcastic in writing, so it would be more easily distinguished as such.  I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS, THOUGH - thanks :)


Administrator's Notes:
1.  A good joke never dies.
2.  You mess up your/you're far more often than that "trio."  (Refer to #6)
3.  Dogs > People.  But, I wouldn't say I'm "annoyed" with people... "appalled" by people is more accurate.
4.  If I didn't have standards, it wouldn't mean so much to you that we're friends.  True story... it could probably be found in one of those books you mention.
5.  My 28th birthday party was the first birthday party I'd had in 7 years... milestone or not, I figured I would give my gift of fabulous party planning to myself.  And to my friends.  And it was NOT a bad time, now was it?
6.   I don't care if you're a lesbian, but there is no excuse to dress like a gym teacher.  Even if you are a gym teacher.  I don't make a habit of making fun of those people you mention either... at least not for those reasons.  You think I don't feel for someone who's lot is life is to be a Republican?  I have a soul, Abbis.... some of my best friends are Republican ;)
7.  He IS precious, isn't he?
8.  Valid.
9.  Trying something new... shits and giggles... Okay, I've never been as immune to boys as I try to be, which Abbis KNOWS, but I'm too old now to try to convince someone who is BEGGING for details that I'm above it all.  I don't really want this one in here.  But, I promised no editing to my guest bloggers, AND freaking Abbis sent this to me at 9:30pm, so...
10.  Never would claim otherwise... but wtf is "boom roasted"??

* They were legit... and not 2 legit 2 quit.  

Crush of the Week! Special Bex_n_Fx Edition

when alanna asked me to do c.o.t.w. i had one thought: outstanding. you see, while she and i have spent most of our time together in agreement on who’s hot and who’s not, we have on occasion differed in opinion. for example, her refusal to embrace rpattz-mania boggles my mind. and, i for one never understood her lust for elijah wood.*  thus, i’m really excited to use her platform to promote my agenda. i decided since i don’t usually write her blog (or so you, faithful reader, assume**), that i would forgo the c.o.t.w and do a c.o.t.s, aka CRUSH OF THE SUMMER. and that crush, friends of my friend, is none other than.....
NICK SWARDSON!!!!!!!

congratulations to you, nick swardson. you have beaten pretty much every odd and captured my heart this summer. challenges you have overcome to win my love include:

1.    not being a baseball player, as my crush of the summer is almost always a baseball player. i mean, they call them the boys of summer for a reason, am i right?

2.    this picture.

fyi, nick swardson - bandanas are never ok, kid. never.

3.    this picture.

however, as someone who is terminally unphotogenic, i know that we all have our bad pictures.... so this doesn’t count.

4.    the fact that i’ve never watched much reno 911, so my main source of nick, until recently was grandma’s boy..... which makes me think of this:

i know it’s a movie, but c’mon! also, i can’t think of many people that are as non-sexual as his character in that movie. he’s basically a child! albeit, a child with a fucking sweet bed.......

5. the fact that he seems a little prone to douchebaggery (see #2 above). he also has a fondness for jewelry that i don’t understand. (i never understand jewelry on a man (which i’m sure goes back to joe mac circa ’90. i mean, eww...). furthermore, i’ve seen way too many pictures of him with the hilton sisters to take him very seriously as a person of non-douchebag standards.

one of the things i like the most  about nick swardson is his height. i’m a hobbit, he’s a hobbit. it works. he also proves that what a girl really wants is a guy with who makes her laugh. while he may not be "6 feet tall" and "in shape" or have a "sexy accent" like my previous crush (francisco cervelli - google him, and, you’re welcome.), i would say about 33% of the funny things i say, i ripped off from him. what actually made me see him not just as jeff from grandma’s boy was his comedy central special "seriously, who farted". i didn’t stop laughing once throughout, and i literally almost peed my pants. more than once. any guy who can make "wolf pussy" the punch-line of a joke deserves a second look.***  also, i found out after imdb-stalking him that he was in my all-time favorite movie (almost famous) and i never realized... plus, his funnyordie.com videos are fantastic. i have yet to stop saying "palatial regalia", and the i.f.h. mondays pretty accurately reflects my life as a server.  so there you have it. nick swardson, you’re my crush of the summer!  lucky you<3

thanks for your time, faithful readers. i hope you enjoyed my blog as much as i enjoyed writing it.****

love and kisses,
bex

ps- i have finally checked out some terry bernadino clips, and they’re hilarious. as i would expect....*****



Administrator's Notes
* Seriously?  Why is a crush I had when I was like ten years old all anyone seems to remember from my YEARS... and I mean, way too many years... well into adulthood... of obsessive celebrity crushing?!?  Look, people - I really liked that creepy ass movie The Good Son and I thought he had pretty eyes... obviously, at that time I had no idea he wouldn't ever be any taller than he is in that movie. 
** I think the all-lower-case eloquence of your post here will help us keep the jig up.  No one will catch on that we are one in the same. Good cover, Bex.
*** Agreed.
**** I did!  Thank you for writing it!
***** I TOLD your ass a million years ago that show was GOLD.



 

Sunday Special Product Review

I promise that all my product reviews won't be dog products, but tonight we are talking about Uptown Dog's Brandied Pear dog shampoo.  I got this as a gift, and decided to try it out for the first time tonight.  Because, you may not know this, but, tonight was tubby time over at the Pugsley household!

First - a few things out of the way:  yes, my real last name is Pugsley, and yes, I have a pug, and no, I didn't get him specifically because my last name is Pugsley, and yes, my dog's last name is Pugsley, but it's not his first name, his first name is Hamlet.  Most of you already know all of this, but a) every time I go to a new vet, groomer, doggie daycare, etc., I walk in to an enthusiastic "Hello there, Pugsley!," and I'm sure the person is talking to Ham, but it isn't the correct way to greet either of us, so it's weird, and b) a couple people I've met since getting the dog have actually thought that I was calling myself Alanna Pugsley as some sort of super creepy extension of my fondness for him.  Here's a cute story, though - the sire of Ham's litter was named Pugsley... which is just another reason that we were meant to be :) <3

So, here's another thing you need to know: Hamlet HATES baths.  He hates water, he hates being wet, and I even think he hates the way everything echos in the bathroom.  Sometimes he likes to lay on the rug while I take a bath, but if I'm in there singing in the shower, he takes himself on down the road. 

The last thing you need to know?  I'm currently dog sitting for another pug, my mother's dog Daisy Mae, and this double pug experience over the last two weeks has made me positive that Hamlet needs no brothers or sisters.  At this point, I literally don't remember what it is like to breathe without a dog on my chest, not to mention what it's like to type while actually able to see the screen.  Pugs need a lot of attention, dudes.  But they're pretty good at earning it with their obscene cuteness.  I mean, really... look at this shiz:

Pep talk.

Daisy was ready to jump in.

As usual, Ham had to be "placed" in the tub.

Sometimes he looks at me like he knows I'm going to put the picture I'm taking online.

After getting the kids in the pool and making sure they were appropriately soaked (which I have to do by filling a cup and dumping the water from it on them... someone please get me one of those removable hose shower head things for Christmas...), I got ready to lather them up with the new shampoo.  I opened the cap and tried to squeeze some of the soap out, and apparently tried too hard, because it came flying out and landed not at all on the dogs or even in the tub, but all over my dress.  A few things to note here: 1. I shouldn't be bathing dogs in a dress if I feel protective of the dress... so, I'm dumb, 2. the consistency of this shampoo is super weak, and with but the slightest squeeze, it flew out of the bottle...and this is the only part of this mishap that isn't my fault, 3. the opening of the cap was facing me, not the tub... so, I think if it's 2/3 my fault, I pretty much deserved for this to happen.  Although, as this is a product review, I will point out again that the consistency of this shampoo was wicked loose - like dollar store weak.  I use Johnson's No More Tears to clean Ham's face, and you all know what this is like, right?  It's the baby shampoo.  Anyways, this Uptown Dog stuff is less thick than that is, for sure... and that stuff is to clean the hair of mostly bald infants. 

The lather was good, and even though it was really runny coming out of the bottle, once it was on the dogs it was as manageable as you would want it to be, which for me means that it didn't run into the dog's eyes and snouts, which makes Hamlet even more angry about taking a bath, and at that point he usually just jumps out of the tub, even if he has to crawl over my shoulders to do it.  Actually, with two dogs in the tub today, I can't believe that Ham didn't make an escape, as I was more distracted than usual.  Unlike my dog, though, Daisy Mae loves baths, so she wasn't hard to handle.  My weirdo mom takes Daisy in the shower with her all the time, so she doesn't fear getting wet like Ham does, I guess. 

Tubby Time!

Overall I liked this shampoo just fine.  It smells good, even if I don't know how in the hell a brandied pear is supposed to smell, and it lathered quickly and not out-of-controllably, which was appreciated when bathing two dogs at once.  Usually when bathing Hamlet (by himself), I like to use Big shampoo from Lush on his coat, and the Johnson's Baby Shampoo on his face and bald spots/belly/genny area.  Ham has skin allergy issues, so he sometimes needs some exfoliation.  He's also a pug, and keeping those wrinkles clean is no joke.  I highly recommend that pug peoples use the No More Tears for the general wrinkle maintenance.  For all dogs, another really good Lush product to use as a shampoo is The Olive Branch.  It has olive oil in it, which is really good for their coats and skin, and it smells delightful.  ANYWAYS - I couldn't do Ham's whole routine today for fear that he would bolt while I was scrubbing the other dog, and this Uptown Dog Brandied Pear Dog Shampoo did the quick trick right nicely. 

Clean baby girl!

He might hate the tub, but he loves the towel down <3

Ham always likes the part where I wrap him in a towel and give him a massage, but with two dogs this was hard.  That has nothing to do with the product; I just wanted to tell you something else that is adorable about my little boy.  After a bath, he not only lets me wrap him up and hold him like a baby, he forces me to.  If I don't have a towel or blanket, he will try to get under my shirt!  It might be because he can't stand being wet and wants to feel warm, but at least part of it is because he loves me so much.  Daisy tries to force me to hold her like a baby 24/7, so nothing unusual about her acting the same way today as Ham does after the bath.  Thank goodness they are both small dogs and I haven't lost any arms yet, because that was a whole lot of pug babies to snug.

I will give the Uptown Dog Brandied Pear Dog Shampoo a B.  Not an outstanding dog shampoo, but it got some points in there for that sophisticated pug featured on the label.  No other breed looks quite as clever in a tux and top hat - am I right?

One last thing to share: now that they are dry, Daisy smells really good - like pears, actually, but Hamlet just smells like he always does... which is like Fritos.  Sorry, Uptown Dog, but you lost the "plus" on your B when you didn't make my dog smell good for at least one night.  The Lush stuff, by the way, makes him smell good for almost three days!  Not that it's so bad... I mean, I think Hamlet smells like a dog, and I happen to find the way dogs smell comforting.*  I don't care what that makes you think of me... Hamlet Ralph Pugsley is more devoted to me than you'll ever be, so why shouldn't the way he smells make me feel comfortable??

I'm not drunk.

*Except Daisy Mae.  She started smelling like a foot, which is why we had to set aside some tubby time in the first place.

Wednesday Spendsday

Hello, friends and lovers.  As you know, Wednesday is my day off... but, I have some things to tell you and I just ate ice cream at Cold Stone and I can't sleep yet.  Sugar high, I guess.  Also - I'm a bit lactose intolerant, so my stomach is not so friendly at the moment. Also - I'm just so excited about my news!

First up - next week, missalannyus.com will be featuring guest bloggers for Crush of the Week, Tuesday Top Ten and Ask Miss Alanny.  Maybe even for Fist Pump Friday... who knows?!  Anyone out there want to write about the awful shows you love and watched this week (under your clever pseudonym, of course)??  Just let me know!  My good friends and fantastic writers Bex-n-Fx, Abbis Cadabbis, and Sweet Bethie Jean will be filling in for me for the week of August 23rd, and I'm super excited for you and me both. 

And what will I be doing instead of writing my own content, you ask?  Well, I have some very important things on the horizon.  Namely, turning this generic looking piece of crap into a real website.  So, I'll be spending a lot of time trying to move that forward.  Also - trying to figure out how to infiltrate myself into the homes of people who aren't on my facebook friends list.  Because, seriously... that's the entirety of whom comprises my readership.  Some of my best friends aren't on facebook... and also aren't reading my blog.  Because they don't remember to... and also because they are obviously the type of people who just really aren't online, ever.  But let's forget about those freaks and focus up:  operation infiltration is in progress as of now, persons.  People who don't know me personally deserve to read this too, you know... let's make this happen!

Obviously, my first instinct is to go door-to-door, trading handjobs for page hits.  Putting some extra ass in the standard canvass, if you will.  (Anyone who gets that joke is ... Bex).  However, that would be very time consuming, and with my audience proving to be mostly female, I don't even know if it would be all that successful.  So, I says to myself, "Self?  What is a good way to bribe the ladies?"... and luckily, being a lady myself (a super classy one, too), the answer came to me in a flash:  GOODIES!!!!  (Not my goodies!)

So, by now you realize that this means swag.  I'm getting t-shirts printed for the launch of the new site, and I will mail you one for free!  BUT, there is a catch....

I want you to take a photo of yourself wearing it, URL fully readable, and post it as your profile picture on your facebook page.  I'll accept myspace, if you use that and not fboo, but you will have to explain to me why you are still on myspace... loserface.  Twitter is also debatable; I can't deny that it is highly trafficked, but I have yet to understand why it's so popular.  I'm on there, though, as I will use any medium to pimp out this blog... including the physical bodies of my friends...

So, how do you get your t-shirt?  First - sign up here as a follower.  Second - leave a comment stating that you want a shirt (and thereby stating that you agree to the photo part, also).  Please do this even if you already left me a message when I sort of spilled the beans about my idea on facebook earlier.  I will contact you later for your address and shirt size.  There will be more details at the time, and the plan is for this to take place by/near the end of September/early October.  I'm also going to order some other crap... I haven't decided on the specific tchotchkes yet, but basically, I'll be giving you stuff and you will be giving me new readers.  Say, maybe a bumper sticker for every girl you refer... some stationary for every fabulous gay... and a car for every straight dude (that you can prove thinks I'm more amusing than I am a crazy, bitter bitch). Sound good?  Kidding aside - what I'm really planning to do is give you whatever you want if you promise to use it in public and/or give it out to the public.  You understand what this is, right?  STREET TEAM!!!!!!!!!  (But, you know, a more mature version... less skateboards.... or not, I don't care). 

I need to remind you guys to click on my ads.  Pleeeeeeeeeeease.  If I can make money from this, I can stop wearing blazers.  Isn't that what everyone wants for me?  A blazer free life?  I just want to leave the Working Girl suits to Melanie Griffith and write full time from my house... and you know what kind of suit I'll be wearing then!  ..... Sorry.

See you tomorrow for Ask Miss Alanny :)

P.S. - Do any of you out there have web design/graphic design experience that goes beyond taking a Dreamweaver class in college when you needed one credit hour to officially graduate and didn't learn anything because you were kind of messed up in the head at that particular time and also already had all but maybe one toenail of one toe of one foot still in the door?  Holla.

Tuesday Top Ten!

(My apologies for there being no Crush of the Week yesterday.  I did write one, but blogspot basically ate the post, with no apologies.  Bastards.  Anyways, I might re-write it.  Maybe.  No promises.  I've got a big assignment due this week, so... bear with me?)

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know if I've told you this before, but, Miss Alanny is trying to live carbohydrate-free.  That is, I was, until the weekend before last, when I gave myself a cheat weekend in honor of the reunion, which then turned into an "I'm eating whatever I want while I get through this hangover" occasion, and has now become an "I'm too busy to go to the grocery store so I'm frequenting fast food dollar menus like a pothead" week and a half.  AAAAAAAAAnyways - I'm extending my death-row-style-food-fest through finals... which is this week.  I'm actually looking forward to going back to basics, because I get less headaches when I'm eating that way, and also because then I can say I've gone "Back to Basics" and have a very Christina Aguilera moment.  Even though that CD wasn't my favorite... that will ALWAYS be Stripped.

To the point... The Top Ten Things I Miss When I'm Livin' The Low-Carb Life

1.  Cereal.  After an occasional protein/vegetable ONLY cleanse, I eat Bran Flakes or whatever, but the cereal I'm talking about missing is not that shit.  Golden Grahams, Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and sweet mother of Cripix FTW!

2.  French Fries.  Do I need to explain this?  I will probably go to Five Guys about five more times before the end of this binge.

3.  Fried Chicken.  My roommate just brought home a bucket from KFC... extra crispy like a mother fucker.

4.  Cookies.  I don't really crave sweets anymore (and this is a big deal, because at one time I actually considered cinnamon rolls my absolute favorite food), but sometimes when I'm at Kroger and see all of those bakery fresh cookies on sale (or not), I just start sweating.  I used to favor oatmeal raisin and snickerdoodles, but now I mainly crave chocolate chip or peanut butter cookies... I think it's because they are sweet, but still a little salty... much like-

5.  Nestle Pretzel Flips.  Or any chocolate covered pretzels, really.  Some couples have a song, but my BFF Bethie Jean and I have a snack... and it's Nestle Pretzel Flips.  And it's probably due to working at The Pharm Deep Discount Drugstore for so long.  On what else were we going to spend those sweet Pharm paychecks?  Not on regular pretzels, that's for sure.  Pretzels are so wack.

6.  Pasta.  Mainly mac and cheese, particularly from the place on the corner of my street (Fatty Patty's), but MOST specifically: 3-ways from Skyline.  There is a Skyline right beside my office and also one right beside my house.  It's the pits, twits.  If I've been really good, I'm allowed to have the actual chili... but no crackers and NO noodles!  Have you ever had Skyline Dip?  This brings me to another point-

7.  Nachos.  I'm not big on potato chips, but I'm a fan of Doritos, fo sho.  I'm also obsessed with Skyline Dip, and you can't eat it without chips.  Technically, you can, of course, but it's not soup, okay?  Don't be gross.  Well, if you ARE going to just eat it... like with a spoon... you probably shouldn't tell anyone.  That would be like eating cheese ball without putting it on anything.  Hey, you know how I make the world's best cheese balls?  I can still eat it!  Cucumbers become crackers, my friends... simple as that.  Hey, how do you think Skyline Dip would taste with celery?

8.  Speaking of all this cheese... CHEESECAKE.  I think a few too many trips to the Cheesecake Factory contributed to the need for this mess, but... what can I say?  I miss you, sweet Factory... with your minty iced green tea, and your buffalo blasts, and your fried mac-and-cheese balls and your Adam's Rib (or whatever it's called) cheesecake.. and your other kinds of cheesecake...

9.  Soft pretzels.  Again - sort of pretzels, but not.  Pretzels suck.  Soft pretzels are amazing.  I think these could possibly go under the "Bread" category, but I think they need to stand alone for me.  My roommate and I went to Hollywood Casino with some friends last month (dammit, I cheated then, too!  I'm apparently not very strong willed this summer...) and there is some new restaurant there that has a massive menu (a la that devil Factory I was talking about earlier), and they had these pretzel bread sticks that I ordered because I always order them at Max and Erma's (which is because they are the only thing edible there), and I enjoy soft pretzels and beer cheese in general, and so anyways... no bull, I haven't stopped thinking about them since.

10.  Bread.  Although I've made a separate designation for the soft pretzels, the bread umbrella definitely covers anything that is basically your standard white bread:  bagels and breadsticks and french toast, and sandwich bread and whatever else I have to stare at pictures of myself up to three times a day to convince myself I don't need, crave or desire uncontrollably.  Funny thing: the craving for sugar goes away fairly easily, but the craving for bread never, EVER does.  But, bread is sugar.  So, why can't I stop grieving for it?  Oh, that reminds me - also off limits is cornbread.  If you knew how I grew up, you would understand why I miss this.  Not to mention that cornbread is what covers corndogs and it is SUMMER, people.  Corndogs are in season... And I LOVE corndogs, okay?!?


..... I'm not even back on the wagon and I'm already screaming at you.  I'm sorry.

Sunday Bonus Blog: Reunion Recap

10th Grade:  Told you I had this somewhere!  You can't see it very well, but I swear to you that my hair was otherworldly at this moment in time.

Well, Hello!

So, first of all, for all of you who are under the impression that these blog entries just write and post themselves, I have news:  they don't, and sometimes a bitch gets busy.  I had to pass three online tutorials by the end of this week, in order to transfer as planned, as well as my usual mundane, member-of-the-typical-workforce schedule garbage.  Oh, also - I'm dog sitting for my mother, and if you think you can easily complete anything requiring a computer on your lap for an extended period of time with not one but TWO pugs demanding your attention, then you just don't know what's up.  Anywho - I knew some sort of "review" of the reunion had to happen... considering I spent the entire previous week amping up for it with my High School Reunion Collection and all... but I never promised anything or any dates on which this anything might occur.  In an ideal world, I could have written something last Sunday (the day after), but on that day (and very early that day... like by 2am) I was reminded in such a harsh way that I am too damn old to have the kind of night I'd just had, and well... nothing other than managing to get my ass back to Cincinnati was going to happen last Sunday.  Sorry.  I was thinking Wednesday at the earliest and Saturday at the latest, but here we are on the Sunday following the Saturday that was the one week anniversary of the "event"... so hey, my bad (sort of), but we'll all be okay, I think.

So, onto the business at hand.  Please enjoy the the following reunion tid-bits and accompanying photos, both from last weekend and FROM THE YEAR TWO THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAND...

The Bath High School Class of 2000 High School Reunion was a success, and the following are reasons why:

1.  Evan came in from Miami.  People are crazy for this dude.  Every time there is any sort of pseudo-reunion (i.e. my Christmas Fest 2006), everyone I know makes a point to say how happy they are to see Evan.  The real-reunion was no exception; at least five people mentioned either before ("oh, Evan's coming!") or after ("Evan is one person I would like to have seen"... I wonder which event skipper said that...), some level of excitement about Evan's presence. This guy has more BHS alumni friends than anyone else, including myself, which is obviously a travesty, because I am hilarious and awesome, and I clearly deserve all the reverie that should come with that.  I'll admit, though - I myself was excited to see Evan, also... until he told me he's aware of this here blog's existence, but has yet to bother reading it...  You are DEAD TO ME, Sir.

Former Friends

2.  You know those people who suck the air out of the room?  We graduated with a few of them... and all of them had other things to do last Saturday!  There are plenty of people that I was sad to see could not make it... but, there are about a handful with whom I'm crying no tears over not getting to "catch up" (aka listen to every detail of their way-less-fantastic-than-they-for-some-reason-believe-lives).

3.  Beth managed to restrain herself from POURING Snapple on "anyone's" head.  The mood in the room would have changed, TRUST.  Thankfully, for all of us, Beth was on her best behavior last Saturday night, and we all hung out peacefully in her own little world. 

A ritualistic dance Beth brought to the party... from her world.     Ahhh, just kidding - obviously Hedge was behind this.

4.  It didn't turn into a "let's see who can tell old stories louder than the last person" contest, and everyone actually held mature conversations about their current lives.  Not that memories aren't good... but, seriously, the sort of overachieving glory day recollecting that tends to occur whenever any size group of Bath alum are in the same room can get really obnoxious... and I imagine that to be doubly true for spouses, dates, etc. who have to sit through all the tales of the dumb things we did as dumb teenagers, with, I have to assume, no appreciation for not-even-funny-anymore things like pie panning trucks and stealing a goose and leaving people by the dumpsters at Lickety Split in the middle of the night because she was stupid enough to get out of the car with a certain unlicensed maniac behind the wheel of his mother's van (which is still funny, but not if you weren't there, so let's just save that kind of thing for another time, right?  Right.)

5.  Everyone who decided to attend this thing is appreciative of what we have in common, which is being from the same place during the same time, and no one who came was up in there hoping or trying to judge each other for our differences, which may or may not include being awesome (like me) versus being lameass (like Dontae).  I'm not positive I'm making a clear point here, but basically, there was no drama, no bullshit, and no fighting.  Except for this one fight, that was actually a reenactment of a previous fight, between Dontae and myself... but that hardly counts, because that kind of drama is high class theatre.

Donate, always insisting on fighting a losing battle. 

Lame-O and Awesome-O... 10 years ago.

Highlights of the Night: 
1.  Arriving as "Power Couples" (tm Hedge... or as you may know him, Panic!) with my BFF and her husband and my GBF.  Fabulous.  (Also, when we met up at my sweet suite, my BFF saying "I think gold is your color, ma!" just really set the night off right!  1 LUV, Bethie Jean!  I would put in that pic of us, but I look like a bloated-face member of the Special People Club...)

2. One person I genuinely hoped would be there, but that I didn't think would be (not on facebook = not invited?), is Kelly Stuber, and thanks to Carter, she was there and I was so happy to see her.  Kelly Stuber taught me how to drive a car, people!

Me and K-Stu... May 2000

Xtina and Kelly... as grown ups.

3.  Senior Pictures at Harry's.  There was a random giant white screen and a bunch of stools.  These examples should explain the rest:

I think I captured some genuine emotion with Weaver here.

The one and only Sloth.  True story - this dude cracks my shit up like no other and I miss him.

The photographer was drunk, not racist.

Panic!  At the High School Graduation feat. Xtina

4.  Hearing everyone talk about how they felt when they were deciding whether to come/on the way to the reunion.  I'm not going to put anyone on blast, but basically, everyone admitted to anxiety coming from one direction or another and I found it all very interesting and genuine.  It really put into perspective the difference that ten years can make... particularly when those years take you from a teenager to a grown ass person. 

5.  Hanging out with my best friends.  I mean, obviously... who doesn't have fun when she gets to see a bunch of her favorite people at the same time??  For me, this whole reunion was originally feeling like a night out with my friends, but with some extra pressure on it that I wasn't sure I appreciated.  But, as it tends to be with me and my OG's - if we're going to do it, we'll do it together, and if we're doing it together, we'll have fun.  So, I'm not even going to pretend I thought it would be a terrible time.  I was surprised, however, at how much fun it actually ended up being.  Uhhh... a little too fun, really...

Ride or Die

(yeah, I'd say we look a little different...  this picture was on the door of our Freshman dorm room at BG, btw ;)

My apologies for everything going on below my neck...

Danae!  We look like babies... Jaime looks the same... We missed you Jaime!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to spare any more details of the night, since a) if you weren't there, you just don't deserve to vicariously live out the debauchery and b) I just don't remember too many details.  I was a little tipsy. 

Lowlights of the Night:
1.  Mr. Steidl.  WTF?!? I'm sorry, I know some people found this amusing, but I personally was freaked out by seeing one of our teachers at the bar.  I just wasn't in the state of mind to process that.
2.  D$ and his bitch drinks.  A grown man drinking Puckers?  Shameful. 
3.  Even tough it's happened so many times before... and even though Chrissy was there to hold my hair just like old times... I have to say that my biggest low of the night took place somewhere near 2am in the disgusting Harry's bathroom.  And this "low" lasted through much of the next day.  Talk about celebrating the difference ten years makes!  We're not kids anymore... fer shore.


So, kids... anyone want to add anything?  If so, just send it to me and I will post it.

For all of you that I was fortunate to see last weekend, thank you for the good times and great oldies.  I'm sort of sad it's over, honestly, because some of you I see fairly often, but some of you I actually hadn't seen in ten years... and if we don't have any more of these until we've been out of school for 20 years (!), then we will be, like, 38-39 damn years old.  Gross!  We can't act a fool all night when we're 40ish, guys... it's just not classy... which we so clearly are.... ANYWAYS, I have a feeling that this was really the last time we'll have a night quite like this, and I have to say that, although I'm a little bummed out by that thought, I am glad that we had a such a great one to remember.

Love you long time...

Click here to see more reunion pictures, and here to see more pictures of our night at Harry's.