Tuesday Top Ten!

I don't know about you folks, but when I can't sleep, I spend way too much time online.  I've been off work this past week, which has led to a lot of sleeping-in as well as mid-day napping, which has led to a pretty F'd up sleep schedule.  So, last night/morning, while waiting for the Benedryl to knock me out, I remembered a funny website that my old roommate told me about like a year ago.  You know this - it's Texts from Last Night!
I read terrible texts for over an hour before I fell asleep.  Some made me LOL, and some made me scared for humanity, but all of them made me think that I should peruse my own phone for some gems.  And I did.  And I submitted some to TFLN.  And then it dawned on me... I easily have enough ridiculous conversations on my phone to create a Top Ten List of my favorites.  In fact - why am I submitting content to another website, when I need to be filling my own?!  Dumb.

So, the following is a list of my Top Ten Favorite Text Conversations from my current phone.  Keep in mind that I've only had this phone since the beginning of August... so this is pulled from roughly 6 weeks of texting between myself and my colorful comrades.   The text highlighted in green is mine, and the text in blue is from my anonymous pals.  (This is the way it is in my phone, too!  Special!)

#1
I'm not spending that much on a phone.
Shit, I will.  I love phones that do everything but suck my dick.
For 200, the droid would have to suck my dick.  Constantly.
They are never really 200! They always have some deal on the hot new piece of phone ass...
They are 299 with a 100 rebate.  Dude, I was just there.
Whaaaat?  [her parents] got buy one get one like 3 months ago.
well, maybe bogo, but you still pay 200.  I don't need two phones.
One for business.  One for business time.

#2
I will murder you in your sleep
Oh settle down, you sound like a greaser when you threaten me like that



#3
I've been out of service all day, twat.  Wtf tickets are you on about?
pride night.
at gapb?  $22 = shit seats.
mezzanine... but we could make out in public in the gay section
That is not the way to entice me to go.  Why that night?  And why that section?  Are you trolling for a new gay bff or looking for your next ladyfriend?
Whatever I can get.
oh, ok.  Yeah, I'll let you know.  Furthermore, I think you should know - I'm pooping. Right now.
you are a nasty little troll
No, dude.  Everybody poops.
I feel like i need to distance myself from you a bit.
No you don't.  You just want to distance yourself from my bathroom.  But, it's cool - I lit a candle.
I need space.
It's not me, it's you.
Whatever you want to believe, but I'm not the one texting you about turds.
I was just letting you know how your subjects were doing, since you're king turd.
Hahahahahahaa sometimes you are nearly equal to me in cleverness
I know - those are teh days when I'm slacking
You are on fire tonight.
Every night.  But the doctor said it would clear up in a week or two.
Ahhhh... I didn't realize you had a firecrotch.
Yeah, I got with Lilo before she went back to rehab.
Yikes.  Hey, help me think of hot black dudes.


#4
yes, that was the problem I was having... I was thinking of the whole tale and how insane we might be.
Insane...or pure genius?  I think we're brilliant.
Brilliant yes, but our facination with turning real people into characters is maybe a little insane...just a little
Snl exaggerates real ppl all the time.  Ours might be more than exag tho...
Good point, but can you imagine finding out that someone has made up elaborate stories about a fictional version of you?
Yeah, no one should ever know abt this.

#5
i heard there's a punkin shortage this year so u hoes better grab some up

#6
I'm coming out of the closet.
?
What r u gay?
Ok, just realized I sent that not u.
Ok...

#7
thats good.  well i'm watching house with [her husband] so i should probably wrap this up.
Fine.
sorry turn on house
No I'm working on something in my room
oh masturbation?
Yeah I'm just taking breaks when I text you
is that why you are texting me? gross.
Yeah my mind always goes straight to you when I'm trying to get there you know
I know.  maybe it would be easier just to take a nap and have a wet dream about me.
That's what happened earlier.  That's why you got a random text from me tonight.
i'm not sure you should stay here next weekend you might try to sneak into my room and take advantage of me.  can you control yourself?
I will put my panties in freezer and put them on when you go to bed
I don't even know what the purpose of that is. you can do it if you want though
Are we sexting?  Wtf have you done?
What do you mean what have I done?
You tricked me into talking dirty to you
ok, enough.  i'm watching house.  no more sexting tonight.

#8
like kanye...that was the worst thing ive ever seen...and now this stupid world of jenks show...i dont know why but id just like to find this guy and slap him like a bitch or whip him with a belt

#9
[Panic!] is being a really good date and getting me drinks.
[Panic!] is great - tell him i said so :)
I will
Thanks luv.  Tell him he looks thin too!

#10
Where's my pictures of the reunion bitch?
I sent them days ago... maybe the file is too big.
Must be bcuz i never got them days ago ho
I will send them again tomorrow assface
Send them to me one at a time ya dumbass so that they go thru... ya ignorant ho!
That would be like 30 emails.
thats ok i accept
this wouldn't be a problem if you would just sign up on facebook like every normal person... they are all on there
well im not ur average bear obviously us should already kno that... number two i barely have enuf time per week to check my email...eat my asscakes
Ugh go to bed
bitch u go to bed
dont tell me what to do hobag
I'm going back to sleep.  I hope I don't have a nightmare about your asscakes.
oh dont worry u will have nitemares all nite long abt my asscakes and lionel richie... ur welcome

stay up n talk to me u damn slut

sorry for harassing you last night i was drunk...lol...also i just checked my email and i got the pictures in there after all



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