Crush of the Week!

First of all, I have to offer my sincere gratitude to anyone who is reading this. I haven't blogged in a minute and a HALF, and I really appreciate your return to reading upon my return to writing. We officially have the internet hooked up at the new place, and I no longer have an excuse to neglect my precious project. I'm so sorry, I just can't do public libraries in the summer... waiting to use a computer with a bunch of sweaty pre-teens is just too sick for Rick. (<-- In that scenario, I'm Rick. Bear with me, babies, I'm out of practice and there is no time to reconsider what I'm saying today.)

I am SUPER EXCITED about this week's Crush! I have been saving this specimen of perfection for a special occasion, and I think my return to the light after a two-week period of blog blackout qualifies.

God has never done a better job.  David Beckham, you win.  In life.  You are quite possibly the absolute hottest, sexiest, most physically perfect man alive (now or ever).  You have a British accent (bonus) and you are so ridiculously good looking that no one cares (or knows anything) about your personality.  Including me.  Usually, I say things like "guys have to be funny to be hot" or "I'm not into sporty guys," but... David Beckham transcends types.  In fact, I think most straight guys would let David Beckham transcend their so-called heterosexuality.

Check out this adorable scarf that I bet David Beckham's super hot wife Victoria Beckham gave him!

Even with those horrible, white trash blonde tips, he looks tasty!  How many guys can pull that off?  ONE.

Tattoo enthusiasts should send this man money for taking a little bit of the Jerry Springer stench off of the look.  If he had a lip ring in that picture, I would probably jump through my computer screen.  (I'm a sucker for sleeves and lip rings, my friends, what can I say?  I will be 21 forever.  Just like that disgusting store ;)

Hey, what do you know - as it turns out, the pre-massively-tatted Becks is not doing any LESS in making me want to jump into the computer.  WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME HERE, DAVID BECKHAM?!?

For those of you who do not know, I f-ing love Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham.  She is classy and witty and would make an outfit made out of Scotch tape and Charmin look like it was a 10k piece of haute couture.

I know she's kinda grossly skinny, and in real life, without the camera "adding ten pounds," she's probably frighteningly lollipopped.  But, still... I think she's fabulous.  I don't like Posh the way I like Becks (not to be confused with Bex... no, thank you), but I don't hate her the way I tend to hate the baby mamas of beautiful boys, either.

David and Victoria Beckham are the sexiest couple in Hollywood/Sports/The U.K./The Universe/whatever, and really, have no competition.  I mean... I'm not really interested in such a thing, but... say we were playing one of those Who Would You Rather Do? games, and it was a Couples Edition... all I'm saying is that I would give the thumbs down to all the Brangelinas and Tomkats and Speidis and whatever you would call Tom Hanks and his wife, etc.... but I don't think I could turn the thumb all the way upside down for some Posh and Becks.  Might come out like this: 

So, yeah... Congratulations, David Beckham!  You're my Crush of the Week for the week of July 19, 2010!!!