If you were ol Bella Swan....would you really choose between the Vampire or the Werewolf or just settle for ol friend Mike who works at the grocery store???
- Vampire Lover
Dear Vampire Lover,
I don't understand a thing you've just said. I'm assuming this Bella/Vampire/Werewolf triangle is referring to that horrible Twilight nonsense, but... Mike? Is this a character in the book/movie, or is this a guy at the grocery store down the street from your house? I'm confused. If it is a character, then obviously my answer depends on how the actor who plays him in the movie looks. Duh. If this is a guy at your local Kroger (or Ray's Marketplace, maybe;), then I really can't have a solid opinion. Although, my guess is that I would go with Mike, because the Vampire is greasy and the Werewolf is, like, 14 years old.
I just bought a lemonade and cookie from a little girl across the street...the total was supossed to be $1.25 so I gave $3 thinking to myself as I walked back home...this is why I love Summer and the so called american way!!! So what is your idea of the American Way???
Again, I'm confused by your question. Did you give this little girl a 125% tip because she provided exceptional customer service? I don't know about this "American Way" you speak of, but I certainly do know that there should be standards for tipping; good tips are only appropriate in instances of exceptional customer service, and/or freebies and sweet hookups. Although, even when I'm a satisfied customer, it's more like a 20% tip... I mean, geezy pete, Vampire Lover! I don't want to live in a world where little girls selling stuff out of their parents' pantry* are making a better living than I am! If that's the American Way of which you're so fond, then count me out. I don't want my hard earned cash dollars going straight into the pockets of The Jonas Brothers. I don't care if that girl told you it was for her college fund... it was for something associated with The Disney Channel. And I will not stand for this!
MmmmHmmm... nice cover, girls. I bet if I asked you if you mean the state of Georgia or The Republic of Georgia, you would just put on blonde wigs and pretend you were famous pop stars
and didn't know where the lemonade girls went. I've been in a relationship for 5 years and have 2 kids...should I be putting a date on this wedding or just accept the fact that i'm mentaly married??
This is simple.
First of all - if you have kids, you are already married. Perhaps not legally, but bound together for the rest of your lives? Unless you have a secret that Maury Povich would love to tell your "husband," then I would say that this is a "yes."
If you were to move on from this relationship, it would play out much in the same way as any legal divorce that includes custody, child support, visitation, trying to find a new relationship in which the other person is able to tolerate the fact that you see someone you used to love (and spent five years fucking) anywhere from 1 to 14 times a week (child exchanging and such), and will continue to do so for the forseeable future, as well as look into the so-precious-to-you faces of the fruit of said fucking, all day, every day. This would be a tough break, to say the least. Probably not much less tough than if there were a few more papers to submit to the court and you were out the $900 or whatever it costs to dissolve a legal marriage. (I would like you all to notice how I refrained here from saying that anyone was "damaged goods." I was close. Personal growth? Perhaps!)
Secondly, and as to whether or not you should "put a date on this wedding" already, I ask you this: Does either Baby Daddy or yourself have Health Insurance or any benefits that the other does not have and could only acquire if legally married? If the answer is yes, then maybe you should consider setting a date. Word on the street is that the new health care legislation will be in effect sometime before I'm in my forties, but even then, it will be a much simpler process if those of us who are self-employed/employed without benefits/etc. have it already set up with a company that provides a nice little package for a chunk of your husband's paycheck. Damn, does anyone out there (as though my readers aren't 100% female/gay male/family) want to get married? I mean, to me. No one? Oh, okay then... I guess I'll wait to see what happens in 2014. Pray for me and my teeth that haven't seen a dentist in eleven years.
Thank you, Vampire Lover, for so enthusiastically sending in your questions three at a time! I really appreciate it!
*Okay, not to be prejudiced, but I really, really doubt this so-called Little Girl baked those cookies herself. Or made the lemonade. Those who make the most are doing the least amount of work. Am I right, people?!?
Miss Alanny is probably not someone you should be asking for advice regarding things such as marriage, babies, money, vampire movies, or general decision making.... but, she's happy to give it to you anyways! And you love it!
Ask Miss Alanny, every Thursday night, right here!
Lovely post as always.
ReplyDeleteto clarify: the mike "vampire lover" refered to is in the book/movie, he is a human friend of protaganist bella swan. in the movie, he is played by a boy who looks a bit like a younger ed norton. however, he is no rpattz or taylau. also, your comment about tipping reeks of someone who has never worked in the food service industry. as a long-time server/bartender, much like danae, er, vampire lover, my base tip is 20%, and that's for average, run of the mill service. i've been known to tip upwards of 50% for good service. and that goes double for adorable kids selling lemonade, because now they apparently run the risk of having some old perv jerking it in his car after visiting their stand. why do you hate lemonade stand kids so much??
ReplyDeletewhy do you take Miss Alanny so seriously? She's a fictional character (of sorts) and also a total bitch. And maybe she doesn't have enough money to tip 50%... geez. I seem to remember you at one time having a "good tips to hot boy servers ONLY" policy at one time... is that any better?
ReplyDeletebtw, if you let your kids run a business a the end of your driveway, you are putting them at risk of entertaining jerking pervs. Little kids need to stay in the house all summer, like I did :)