Sometimes you take a nap after work and then when you wake up, you realize you need something right then and your only available options are Meijer and Wal-Mart.
Maybe you are a staunch supporter of abstaining from Wal-Mart, due to their danger to the economic stability of our country as well as their general repulsiveness, but maybe you also are a Diet Cokehead and know that they have a serious sale on cases of it this week.
Perhaps the distance between your house and each the nearest Wal-Mart and Meijer is debatable as to which is further, and no one would really argue if you said Wal-Mart was chosen because it’s closer.
Also, every single person you know shops there and why are you trying to defend yourself for making a concession in your stance and shopping there for only the second time in 2010 so far?
To the point: I went to Wal-Mart at 11:30-ish last night (which was a Friday night, and yes I spent the portion of the evening prior to that sleeping, and yes I sort of care that my life is super lame), and if it weren’t for the $3.88 each I paid for 2 24-packs of Diet Coke, I would have to say I deeply regret it.
The Top Five Disturbing Things Witnessed At Wal-Mart on Friday, May 28, 2010 between 11:30PM and 12:15AM (times approximate).
1. Guy in full on cowboy gear walking really fast, obviously on a mission, possibly to distance himself from his companion, who was using a motorized cart. Understandable, cause no one wants to be seen with that. On the other hand, most people in their 40’s don’t go to Wal-Mart with their parents on Friday night... well, anyways, I hope Cowboy met a soulmate, or at least found what ever it was he was racing toward.
2. Massive amounts of boxes on crates stacked sky-high-and-wide, in every aisle in the entire store, making it impossible to get to anything, and stupidface workers pretending to be stocking shelves while really talking on their cell phones. Foolishness!!
3. A woman and a toddler watching the Chipmunks' Squeakuel on the TV displays for at least 20 minutes. Maybe longer, but I don’t know how long she was there before I walked by the first time, or how long after I walked by again.
4. 30 registers, 2 open. I was in line for like 10 minutes, and during most of that time, this kid behind me, who was apparently one of the shining star employees of the Wal, harassed the cashier about how his break was being wasted and how he "didn’t even want this shit no more!"
5. Some sort of tailgating in the parking lot. Hoopties with all the doors open and the speakers booming. Booty shorts all over the place. Pre-clubbing? Is the Wal-Mart parking lot really where you get in the mood to hit the club? It put me in the mood to run to my car as fast as possible, and maybe to cry a little bit after locking myself inside, mainly because I’m realizing that there are people having more fun in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart right now than I have in probably a month.
No comments:
Post a Comment