1. Locking myself out and everyone else in, sealing up the office, cutting off the phones and internet, and leaving only a day's supply of food. This island of horror would have no survivors. I would consider leaving a video camera, just in case I felt like watching them all turn on each other later, for shits-n-gigs, when it would inevitably be posted on YouTube by whomever finds it.
2. Picking up a drug habit and continuing to go to work daily until my "issue" becomes apparent enough for my co-workers to stage an intervention. During said intervention
, I scream obscenities and tell everyone exactly who I think they are. This is the best time to do this, see, because I can go completely batshit and everyone will assume I'm just "under the influence" and "talking out my ass." Later, when I'm away in rehab, they will talk amongst themselves in varying small groups about what I've said, compare opinions, and realize that it's not just a crazy person's thoughts, it's general consensus. Ha!3. Going completely MIA for weeks and then later mailing photos I've created of Hamlet eating my jugular... return address: heaven. (so they know I'm dead, see? And I guess I want them to think I was a good person... but I'm throwing Ham under the bus... sorry, muffin!)
4. Tossing a grenade inside, just as I'm safely out the door. Not terribly original to imagine blowing up your place of employment, but I figured you knew I've thought about it, so why not let you know that my choice of firestarter
is a grenade?5. Getting another job that pays three times as much, and then just quitting like a normal person. I think about that all day and night, everyday. It's a fantasy, so maybe I don't give notice
, though, huh?6. The Beckham's call the office because they are looking for a new nanny and they're confused and British and thought we were an Au Pair Service
. I take the job...if you didn't gather that...7. Jude Law calls the office because he is looking for a new nanny
... (the British LOVE THEIR NANNIES ;)8. My boss sends me on an errand and, while I'm out, I have the type of accident that, while not very painful or anything that would put me in the hospital and away from my dog for any length of time, prevents me from working and also qualifies me for some sort of disability pay for which my boss is entirely responsible. Before I'm able to go back to work, some famous and rich British family with a HOT AS HADES
dad figure calls...9. I walk out of my door one morning, leaving for work, and some sort of Santa Claus has left a bag full of money on my porch! And I imagine it to be a Santa-style
bag, too, for some reason. So, without even counting it, I call my boss and tell her to fuck a duck. And also that I'm not coming in, today or ever again. If all I said was "fuck a duck," she would just call me back all day until I explained that. But I still want to say it. (I'm a sucker for rhymes and all :)10. Obviously, and most commonly, I fantasize about just being discovered and becoming famous and fabulous and not needing a stupid office job already, geez! What's the hold up, anyways?
So... does anyone have any suggestions for what I should blog about on Wednesdays now that Glee is on break???
No comments:
Post a Comment